After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
