I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
