Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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