GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
