Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
