I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
