i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
