Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize