I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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