I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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