so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
