She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
