God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
