For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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