your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
