Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
