Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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