I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
