he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
