once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
