I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
