Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
