Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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