Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
