Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
