someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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