i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize