Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do vagina's smell?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
