And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize