I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
