I want to make a zoo with you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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