Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
