you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
