I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
