Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
