Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
