I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
