It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
