Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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