Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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