remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
