when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
