So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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