Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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