i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
