I will die if light touches me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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