Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
