My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Farmville is her only friend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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