we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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