Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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