if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
