wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
