her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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