A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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