Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize