Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
