you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
