so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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