I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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