Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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