So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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