My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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