Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize