i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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