I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
