you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
