i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize