Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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