This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
