she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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