The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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