Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
