Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
