Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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