I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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