Me too!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
