You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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