wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
