We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
