We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
