it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
