Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
