it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
third nipple confirmed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
