I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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