Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
