it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize