Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
