I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
