I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
