that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
