R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
People in love make me want to vomit
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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