The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need a shit load of segways right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
