I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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